I try to be open about my struggles, both in my life and my faith, so that others will understand that loving Jesus isn’t a force field that protects me from all of life’s hurts and sorrows. Having Jesus as my Savior is a deep abiding knowledge that He loves me deeply in return, and wants to comfort me in my brokenness. Jesus instructed believers to comfort others through his apostle Paul, saying – “Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep.” Jesus provides believers this instruction as an important reminder for both the good times and the heartbreaking times. (Romans 12:15-16.) Most people like rejoicing…

During a pre-fight interview, heavyweight boxer Mike Tyson remarked, “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.” In January, my husband died without warning, and I viscerally felt that quote. All my plans for ‘us’ blew away like dry leaves in the wind. In one heartbeat, I went from beloved wife to bereft widow. I have spent the past few months in bereavement boot camp, being broken down and allowing God to build me back up, often ‘one minute at a time,’ because ‘one day at a time’ is just too overwhelming. In the initial weeks after my husband’s death, I moved methodically. Every evening I’d make…

Yesterday brought me a day without appointments or caregiving for little ones. I delighted in making a family Christmas bread recipe. While the dough was rising, I began to feel a little lost, with all this time to use. What should/ could/ would I do with all these hours? I began to feel guilty that I had procrastinated sending out Christmas cards, so I got ready to complete the task. However, the more I told myself I ‘should’ do it, the more I didn’t want to. My silly self imposed push-pull dance between misplaced guilt and relaxing was stealing the peaceful hours. The real issue is that joy and guilt…

The rhyming Russian proverb, doveryay, no proveryay, translates to “trust, but verify.” I should have embraced this proverb years ago because I assumed my children knew the story of the first Christmas. I learned yesterday I was wrong. They were short a few crucial details. Actual conversation with my 11-year-old daughter. Me: “Tell me what you know about the Christmas story from the Bible.” Daughter: Makes exasperated noises. ” I know that Jesus was born. Blah, blah, blah, laid in the casket…” My eyebrows shot up my forehead like 4th of July fireworks. I exhaled loudly, stifling a giggle. “You mean manger? A casket is where a dead body is…

Do you ever feel like you’re putting Christmas on autopilot? Instead of rejoicing at the arrival of the Savior of the world, are you just going through the motions out of habit? Watching the same formulaic Christmas sweater-wearing couple movies, baking the same sugary treats, whittling down an endless shopping list with a finite budget? Or is it deeper than that? Do you find yourself feeling irritable, angry even, that the birth of Jesus Christ is disrupting your finances, your routines, your plans? Dare we acknowledge it? Our little kingdom is usurped by His? If so, don’t feel bad; you’re not alone. At the first Christmas, when the Magi brought…

April 2017 – I went to church today with the six youngest children in tow. The pastor’s sermon was on Hebrews chapter 11, a veritable Hall of Fame of faithful people in the Bible.  Every verse begins with the same phrase. “By faith…” By faith Noah built the ark; by faith Abraham offered Isaac; by faith Sarah had a baby in her old age; by faith the prostitute Rahab was not killed because she hid spies. There are many people mentioned, and their names are still remembered long after their deaths – because of their faith.The pastor said if our faith was sagging or lagging, we should read Hebrews chapter 11. …

My sixteen-year-old son is a real hit with the ladies right now. He has been described as a “snack,” which is a bit disconcerting to me as his mom. I feel like it was just last Wednesday I was teaching him to tie his shoes. He frequents the gym to keep his washboard abs from rusting, while also working a landscaping job that keeps his acorn-brown tan in perfect order. He recently said to me, with a gleaming smile created by his orthodontist and his parents’ money, “I’m the Rizzlord.” As a mother of ten children, I know teenage slang changes daily, if not hourly, but I try to stay…

Dear reader, I have not written in some time because I haven’t been feeling quite myself. I needed to recharge, and I found it on a recent solo trip to Italy. Standing on top of a mountain in the Italian Alps, four and a half thousand feet above sea level, I inhaled the sweetest cool air and was literally engulfed by descending clouds. The view was completely peaceful and brought me to tearful prayer. It was the living embodiment of this scripture, Psalm 19:1: “The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of His hands.” I thanked God for my life and my family and friends.…

A week ago, my seventeen-year-old son found a baby squirrel licking water off the driveway beneath his car. My son tried to lure the squirrel out, as he needed to drive to work and didn’t want to run over a baby animal. My sixteen-year-old son then took over, tempting the furry baby away from danger with the delight of a spoonful of peanut butter. Our new four-footed friend quickly came running for an easy breakfast. With squirrel safety ensured, my older son drove away to work. My younger son got close enough to pet the baby squirrel that he quickly christened him “Squishy.” I told my son that his name…

“Love is a great beautifier.”- Louisa May Alcott I’m not a huge fan of road trips, but this weekend I felt the distinct pull of wanderlust. Since late March, I’ve been caring for my husband as he has been recovering from a joint replacement surgery. I didn’t know how much I needed a day to myself until my husband asked me, “Want to go out and do something?” From an outsider’s perspective, his question might seem very innocent. However, it lit a bonfire of irritation inside me. I prefer a planned date, because a plan (to me) represents forethought and caring. My husband has his own perspective (more on this later);…