That Other Christmas Story

The rhyming Russian proverb, doveryay, no proveryay, translates to “trust, but verify.” I should have embraced this proverb years ago because I assumed my children knew the story of the first Christmas. I learned yesterday I was wrong. They were short a few crucial details.

Actual conversation with my 11 year old daughter.

Me: “Tell me what you know about the Christmas story from the Bible.”

Daughter : Makes exasperated noises. ” I know that Jesus was born. Blah, blah, blah, laid in the casket…”

My eyebrows shot up my forehead like 4th of July fireworks. I exhaled loudly, stifling a giggle.

“You mean manger? A casket is where a dead body is laid.”

11 year old: “Yeah, whatever, you knew what I meant.”

Holy moly….

Our homeschool assignment of the day became re- learning the Christmas story with proper terminology. Cradle versus grave definitely matters.

I asked my 11 year old daughter and 14 year old son to read these two Bible passages. Luke Chapter 2, verses 1-21 and Matthew 1:18-2:23. ( NIV/ New International Version) You can click on the verses, they are hyperlinked so you can test your own Christmas knowledge. I told the kids there would be a pop quiz when I returned home from my chilly winter walk. I had no idea the hilarious results that awaited me upon my return.

An hour later, I began my Christmas quiz.

Me to my 14 year old son: “Who was Jesus’ earthly father?”

His reply: “Joseph.” (Correct!)

Me: “Mom?”

Him: “Mary.” ( Right again!)

I’m dangerously overconfident at this point.

I questioned my son again because it seemed he put in the work.

“Where was Jesus laid when he was born?”

His reply: “The manger.”

Reading his answer it seems fine. Hearing it was another story. He pronounced it so it rhymed with anger m-ANGER. I smiled and explained that it was manger, rhymes with danger. English can be a tricky language, so I let it slide.

One more question for my son.

“Where was Jesus born?”

“Bethle… Ham?” ( I’m imagining Jewish people cringing at this non Kosher answer.)

“Bethlehem. It means House of Bread in Hebrew.”

This meaning is no accident. It’s important symbolism. Jesus said in John 6:35, “I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes in Me shall never thirst”.

Side note – in the Arabic language, Bethlehem means ‘House of Meat.’ So, if we combine Hebrew and Arabic, you could, in fact, have a nice ham sandwich. Partial credit to my son.

Moving on to the 11 year old daughter.

“When the Wise Men showed up to announce Jesus was born, which King wanted to murder Jesus?

She was unsure so she opted for multiple choice : ” Herik? Henry?”

Me: “Herod.”

Her reply: “Was Henry a bad king too?”

My answer: “Depends on which Henry, but the 8th one was preeeetty crappy.”

Really, though, who remembers the first seven Henrys when the 8th one was known for treating his six wives so badly that there’s a morbid ditty about their deaths? “Divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded, survived.” Ew, just ew.

Next question for my daughter.

“What three gifts did the Wise Men bring to Jesus?”

Her reply: “Gold, Frankenstein and Myrrh.”

Odd…. She must be reading from the MSV bible – Mary Shelley Version.

“Frankenstein?” I replied. ” Do you mean Frankincense?”

“That’s how I read it.”

I saved the lecture on the dangers of skimming reading assignments for another day.

We moved on to Mary giving birth in the stable, and how a stable in Bethlehem was not at all like a stable in a modern day barn. Historically, stables were frequently caves under or to the side of the home.

My son: “A Man Cave?”

“Sure, minus the pool table, beer, flat screen tv…. NO, not a Man Cave!”

I explained that Mary and Joseph arrived at “The Man Cave” by way of donkey and my son said, “I always thought they got there by sea.”

Apparently my children’s Christmas story reads like this,

“Mary and Joseph bought two tickets to BethleHAM aboard the S.S. Christmas. Whereupon arrival, they had reservations at the super deluxe AirBnb Man Cave. Jesus was born there and they laid him in the mANGER. King Henry decided to kill Jesus, so Joseph and Mary ran away with Jesus and they were all saved by Frankenstein. The End.”

Charles Dickens was right. “There is nothing so irresistibly contagious as laughter and good humor.”

I hope my home brought some laughter to yours.

A very Merry Christmas to you!