Lessons from Louisa

““Love is a great beautifier.”― Louisa May Alcott

I’m not a huge fan of road trips, but this weekend I felt the distinct pull of wanderlust. Since late March, I’ve been caring for my husband as he has been recovering from a joint replacement surgery.

I didn’t know how much I needed a day to myself until my husband asked me, “Want to go out and do something?” From an outsider’s perspective, his question might seem very innocent. However, it lit a bonfire of irritation inside me. I prefer a planned date, as a plan ( to me) represents forethought and caring. My husband has his own perspective (more on this later) however, in that moment, I was too infuriated to care what it was.

I went to the library and borrowed a travel book on Ireland. Armed with a passport and pent up frustration, I felt I could do a bit of damage to Dublin. Knowing that an impromptu trip to Ireland was probably not the wisest course of action, I also borrowed a book called Novel Destinations – a Travel Guide to Literary Landmarks, by Joni Renden. Flipping the pages, I came across the Sleepy Hollow cemetery in Concord, Massachusetts. Authors Louisa May Alcott, Henry David Thoreau, Ralph Waldo Emerson and Nathaniel Hawthorne are all laid to rest there. I suddenly remembered my previous desire to see Orchard House, the home of Little Women author Louisa May Alcott, but I couldn’t go at the time due to the pesky pandemic.

“Now or never. The day is free and so are you.” I realized that I had this opportunity and no one was keeping me from it. The weather was perfect, Orchard House would be open for hours, all I had to do was be brave enough to leave.

The miles rolled by and the scenery began to change from the mundane to the magnificent. I began to unwind enough to remember advice given to me by a therapist. When you are annoyed with another person’s behavior, remember ‘compassion and curiosity.’ I knew there just had to be a reason why my husband asks to go somewhere instead of some place. He isn’t doing it specifically to annoy me, it’s not personal. You’d think after nearly thirty five years of marriage, that I would have thought to ask his reasoning years ago – so really, being irritated was on me.

I arrived at Orchard House and was absolutely gobsmacked by the beauty of the landscape, the home, the history and the amazing lives of the “Little Women” who had once lived there. Louisa was loving and loyal to her family and her nation. She served in the Civil War as a nurse because, as she wrote in her journal, “Help needed…and must let out my pent-up energy in some new way.”

I could certainly identify with that need to let out pent -up energy, but unlike Louisa, I was running from from nursing, not towards it. Louisa served for about two and a half months caring for the wounded before the unsanitary conditions, poor nutrition and long overnight hours took a serious toll on her health. She was diagnosed with typhoid pneumonia, and was treated with ‘calomel’ – a poisonous mercury compound. Upon receiving the telegraph that his daughter was gravely ill, Bronson Alcott made the 400 mile journey from Massachusetts to Washington, D.C. to retrieve Louisa.

The love of Louisa’s father was crucial to her survival. Louisa was suffering from feverish hallucinations – in one particularly brutal dream she believed she was being stoned and burned alive for being a witch.

When Louisa wrote Little Women, she lovingly wrote her father into the story as the wounded soldier returning from war in need of care, surrounded by doting daughters.

The success of Little Women and Louisa’s other works placed her ahead of Mark Twain in earnings. She paid her parent’s debts off in three years, which allowed her father to fulfill a dream – to open his revolutionary Concord School of Philosophy.

By all accounts, Louisa’s relationship with her father was a complicated one, where they each held spirited opinions, but at the root was a great and abiding love for one another.

The Alcott’s relationship gave me pause. My husband and I are absolutely different, but our relational foundation is love and respect. I went home and asked him why he asks me to go ‘somewhere’ versus ‘some place.’ His answer was simplistic. He said that ninety percent of the time, he just wants to get out of the house and is happy to defer to what I’d like to do, no matter what that might be. I had thought all these years that his lack of planning was about not caring what I liked to do – when all along, he’s been wanting to please me and my desires by leaving the day open to adventure. Compassion and curiosity….

The Bible says this on husband and wife relationships – “However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.” Ephesians 5:33.

He loves me, even if I don’t always ‘see it.’ I respect him very deeply, as he is a tremendously wonderful man, worthy of praise. Let the record stand, I didn’t ditch him for Dublin, dear reader. Instead, I came home and invited him to go with me instead.

Thank you Louisa, for lessons learned. Thank you God, for a loving husband.