When God Says No

Hello dear readers! It’s been a while. Allow me to explain.

My beloved child began an unexpected and ongoing difficult journey six weeks ago. This struggle includes a lot of loss and heartache and thrust me into the role of full-time caregiver of my active toddler granddaughter. This happened at a moment’s notice, with no time for mental or physical preparation.

My child has spent countless hours in hopeful prayer and many more hours asking God, “Why?”

The answers to his countless petitions seem to be a gentle but firm “No,” and it has begged the question of “Why? Why would God say no when it makes no sense to say no?”

It’s important to break down the four words – When/ God/ Says/ No.

First – When – not if. God will say no to some of your prayers. As a parent, I am constantly saying no to many of my children’s requests. It would not benefit my children’s character if they were given everything they asked for. At that moment, they may see me as mean or unjust, but given enough time, they will see that my motivations were always love-based.

Second – GOD. It makes all the difference in the world when we know the character of the one saying no to us. Psalm 89 verses 8-14 encapsulate His character.

“Who is like you, Lord God Almighty?
    You, Lord, are mighty, and your faithfulness surrounds you.

Mighty. Faithful. Creator of the world. Powerful. Righteous. Just. Loving. Faithful.

Knowing God’s character helps us to trust His reasons for saying no.

Third – Says. God speaks to us, which is just pretty cool in general. I’m always in awe of the fact that Jesus laid down His crown to come to earth as a vulnerable baby, not the mighty King that He is, and this holy Savior takes the time to answer every single one of my prayers. Yes, No, Not Yet. Every prayer answered. My prayers are never sent to voicemail or a secretary. I matter to Him.

Fourth – No. No is not a dirty word. No is a complete sentence, even when we beg and plead and bargain with God for what we think we should get. This is when we should return to the character of God. Focus more on WHO said no than the no itself.

Why would God say no anyhow? Why is my child having to go through this heartache? Pastor Rick Warren, the author of The Purpose Driven Life, sums it up this way.

God has a bigger perspective, a better plan, and a greater purpose for our lives than we know.

As a parent, I have the benefit of added years and wisdom when I say no to my children. I am looking at the bigger picture, and they aren’t.

Now that I am a grandmother, I recognize the investment in my character that my grandmother made in me. My grandma said no to me plenty of times! But I am older now and can focus on the character of the woman who said no to me because she had my eternity in mind.

The same woman who said no to me when I was a child had a deep well of faith that I draw off of now as an adult. God gave me a grandmother who inspires me, even from heaven. Let me tell you a story about why it’s so important to know the character of the person who is saying no to you.

For six weeks, I have been my granddaughter’s full-time caregiver. This is in addition to raising (or mentoring) my ten other children. I have to be up bright and early for my granddaughter’s arrival. This has been a real struggle for me.

Confession. I’m not a morning person. I have a big mug I use for tea or hot cocoa that says, “I don’t like Morning People. Or mornings. Or people.” I wish it was sarcasm, but it’s not.

My grandmother has been getting me out of bed every morning these past six weeks. Not literally as she has been in heaven for nearly eight years. The memory of her character gets me out of bed.

The 1950 census was recently uploaded for public viewing. I decided to take a peek and gleaned a little window of what my grandmother’s life had been at that moment in time. In 1950, my grandmother was 35 years old, already a mother of nine of her thirteen children to be. I looked lovingly at the names of my future aunts and uncles, knowing their faces and sarcastic humor from many family gatherings. But there was one name that stood out because this two-year-old girl wasn’t my grandmother’s child. Her name was Pam and she was my grandmother’s niece.

There was no daycare in the 1950s and Pam’s dad ( my grandmother’s brother) had to work, because he was a recent widower. His wife had died of lupus.

My grandmother had nine children of her own and took in her toddler niece, letting Pam live with them all week long, her only break coming on the weekends when Pam’s daddy would collect her.

I picture my Grams’s life much like mine is now. The home filled with constant noise and activity. Playing peek-a-boo and changing diapers. Making meals and giving baths. Kissing boo-boos. Outside play. Saying prayers. The holiness of servitude was never far from my Grams. Jesus shined through her.

Every morning (after I cuss out my alarm clock,) I tell myself, “If Grams could get up and take care of her children and her niece, then I can get up and take care of my children and my granddaughter.”

My grandmother loved me very much. She set an incredible example. When someone who loves you says no – it is a lot different than someone who doesn’t.

God loves you all the time.

So what are we to do when faced with painful struggles?

Pray like Jesus did before facing His crucifixion.

 “Abba, Father,” he said, “everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.” Mark 14:36

Jesus first called God the Aramaic word for “Daddy.” He then acknowledged God’s power – which is completely unlimited. Jesus then asked for what He wanted ( to save humanity without having to be painfully crucified.) Finally, He accepted God’s plan.

In that moment in history, the salvation of humanity rested upon God saying NO to his own beloved child. God said NO. To his only son. But without that NO, we wouldn’t have redemptive suffering. The pain that Jesus endured was not without purpose. Your pain is not without purpose. Romans 8:28 promises that we can trust that God is working His plan for your good.

^” And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Emphasis mine.)

God loved my grandmother even when He said no to her passionate prayers for Pam’s health. Pam died of lupus before she could reach womanhood. My Grandmother’s redemptive suffering contributed to her twenty year long career as a tenderhearted nurse.

Remember in your trials, when God says no – you can trust in His character. Know that He has a better plan. And that He will never forsake you.

“Those who know your name trust in you,
    for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.” Psalm 9:10

Dedicated to the memory of Marie M. Corcoran August 7, 1914 – November 14, 2014

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