When Faith Flickers

Last month my husband called me from work and relayed news that shook me to my core. A dizzying succession of words that I rapidly tried to process. “I’ve lost feeling in my arm, having trouble breathing, the ambulance is coming.”

That night, it was confirmed my husband had had a stroke. I called those closest to us and asked for prayers. The stroke recovery was nothing short of miraculous. Within hours, full speech and motor function seemed to be back in place.

We tentatively hoped life might go back to ‘normal.’ That was not the will of God.

Further tests brought to light a dangerous heart arrhythmia called atrial fibrillation that had caused the stroke, but also delivered us the life changing diagnosis that his heart was failing.

My husband arrived at the hospital on a Wednesday evening. Thursday, my sister secretly boarded a plane and flew the 1200 miles to be at my doorstep by Friday morning, ready to help in any way possible.

In a strange way, her arrival helped me to process that this news was real, serious, and not going away. Up until her arrival, I’d been running on adrenaline and prayers. When my big sister arrived to dote on me as she used to when we were children, that’s when I felt safe to unravel and cry.

Her calming presence was perfect and just what my husband and I both needed at that moment. She spent the entire visit spoiling my children and driving them everywhere they needed to go. She made our daughter’s 10th birthday a fantastic day, not a day forgotten in the shadows of her dad’s scary diagnosis.

My sister had to go home of course, and that’s when the emotional fuel her presence had given me slipped away and my faith began running on fumes.

The month was lost in a tsunami of arranging and attending visits to specialists, getting used to new medications and their side effects. Adjusting to the new physical limitations caused by heart failure. Acting and reacting. All while trying to remain loving and attentive parents as well as partners.

Emotional and physical fatigue were creeping up on me in such an insidious way that it took a message from my uncle to help me really see it. He wrote, “The torch of faith may flicker at times, but the light remains.”

This is when I realized I was running on empty. My faith was flickering. But the Light remains.

John 8:12 says, “When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

I went to my bible and opened it. No specific verse, I just opened it and invited Jesus to love on me. He knew how bone dry and worn out I felt.

The first scripture I laid eyes on was in the book of Ezekiel. Did you know that the name Ezekiel means ‘God will strengthen?’ I didn’t! I looked it up and was not surprised. To know that God had led me to that specific book, with that name, with that meaning – that would have been enough for me. But does our Lord ever give in half measures? Never. There was so much more encouragement waiting.

I opened specifically to Ezekiel 37: 1-6.

“The hand of the Lord was on me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the Lord and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones.  He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry.  He asked me, “Son of man, can these bones live?”

I said, “Sovereign Lord, you alone know.”

 Then he said to me, “Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord!  This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath enter you, and you will come to life.  I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.’”

To recap – God brought Ezekiel to a valley full of dry bones and asks him if the bones can live.

Three things that I immediately observed that helped me tremendously.

First, Ezekiel’s place and position was chosen by God. It helped me to remember that my husband and I are right where God has placed us.

Second, God was speaking in a desolate place. Location doesn’t limit our Lord. God can easily speak into the valleys of our life.

Third, when God asked Ezekiel if the bones could live, Ezekiel provided a humble, honest answer.

For me, I heard God saying – ” You are where I placed you. I am able to reach you even in your weariness. Will you trust Me or what you see around you?”

I read further. Spoiler alert – Ezekiel does exactly as God says. God brings the dry bones together, puts sinew and flesh back on the bones, puts the breath of life back into them and RAISES AN ARMY.

Did you catch that? God raised an army, not a book club. From dry bones to an army in a matter of minutes.

I closed my bible and was comforted knowing that God knows my GPS location because he puts me there, He speaks to me in the valley, and He can change weary mode to warrior mode in a moment.

I hope these lessons help you too.

Faith may flicker, but the Light remains.

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