Faith or Fear

My family has an unusual holiday tradition. Our Thanksgiving meal is not the Norman Rockwell painting “Freedom from Want” turkey and trimmings. It began that way though.

For the first ten years of marriage and motherhood, I would attempt to faithfully recreate the Thanksgiving meal that I grew up with. I would spend what felt like an eternity in the kitchen chopping, peeling, boiling, and baking all in preparation for …… whining.

“Do we have to eat that?” was the nasal chorus I would hear from my ( then) four children. I would grit my teeth and threaten them with vacations to Third World countries in futile attempts to increase their attitude of gratitude.

During that time, I found a book at a yard sale that forever changed my perspective on traditions. Unplug the Christmas Machine by Jean Coppock Staeheli and Jo Robinson set me free from the rigid mindset of practicing traditions that simply did not work for my family.

In the book, the authors mentioned a woman who would always cut off pieces of ham from both ends before cooking it for her holiday meal. One of her children asked her why she did it. Upon thinking about the question, the mother didn’t know. Her mother had done it, so she had continued the same technique. The woman called her mother to ask why the ends were cut off the ham. Her mother didn’t know and proceeded to call the ultimate authority – Grandma. Grandma answered that she always cut the ends off the ham because her pan was too small to fit the ham otherwise. A useless tradition had been born and no one had stopped to question it.

I’ll give you another example, but this family tradition has more emotional baggage. Many years ago, my great grandmother Margaret, known as Mimi, married a man named John. They had a son and daughter, and then John simply vanished. He was not the victim of a crime, he was just living in bigamy across the country under an assumed name. This left Mimi to take work in a pencil factory to support her two children.

When Mimi’s daughter Marie was old enough to marry, Mimi was adamant that Marie would have a higher education to fall back on “just in case” her husband should leave her. Marie got a nursing degree and then married. Then Marie handed that tradition down to her seven daughters. My mother received a teaching degree before being allowed to wed. Both my grandmother and mother’s marriages would end in divorce.

My husband asked for my hand in marriage after a very short courtship. My mother reluctantly agreed but begged me to complete the college degree I was enrolled in at the time.

Three generations handed down their Catholic faith to their daughters intertwined with their fear of abandonment. The moms subconsciously or consciously viewed higher education as an insurance policy in case of emergency. The underlying message was that God could not be counted upon…. not really.

Clarence Haynes Jr writes, “The problem with this idea is that you become your first source of help and strength. God is secondary. Not only is this out of order, but you will also discover from the pages of Scripture that this was never God’s intent. And it all began with your salvation.”

There is nothing inherently wrong with attaining higher education. Where we go wrong is when we turn our man-made achievements into lesser gods, idols, insurance policies in times of disaster.

Jesus knew that we would worry about survival so he spoke this loving reassurance.

 “And why do you worry about clothes? See how the flowers of the field grow. They do not labor or spin.  Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these.  If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you—you of little faith?  So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them.  But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well.  Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:28

When we accept Jesus Christ as our Lord and Savior, He provides us a source of help – to whom we should turn first. The Holy Spirit is known as the Helper. He is the third person of the trinity, the part of God that dwells within us. These are the words of Jesus,

I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Helper, that He may be with you forever; that is the Spirit of truth, whom the world cannot receive, because it does not see Him or know Him, but you know Him because He abides with you and will be in you. – John 14:16-17 

Our family eats pizza on Thanksgiving because that tradition works for us. Choosing faith over fear also works for us. My faith is a much healthier tradition and has served me far better than the college degree I eventually attained after thirty years of marriage. There have been trying times when in my utter exhaustion I have only spoken a one-word prayer to the Holy Spirit, “Help.” The Holy Spirit has never failed to send help.

Confession -my college diploma is still in the envelope it arrived in, relegated to the chaos of my sock drawer. My bible has a place of honor on my bedside table, with the cover falling apart from opening up God’s love letters to me thousands of times.

Examine your traditions.